Resources: Are You the Missing Piece?

We receive a lot of email, and sadly, some of them read like this one did recently:

A friend of mine just gave me a newspaper article from The Washington Post about adopted children who return to visit their homeland. It referenced The Ties Program, so I looked online and found your contact information. We have an 18 year old daughter that we adopted from the Philippines when she was 4. She often talks about wanting to visit the Philippines to see where she is from, but I have sort of discouraged it because I had no idea where to even begin to try and put such a trip together.  When I read the article today, it seemed like this might be the missing piece!

OMG, in The Ties Program offices, we can’t decide what is more upsetting—the fact that adoptive parents sometimes discourage their kids from exploring their identity for lack of resources, or that after nearly two decades of providing adoptive family homeland journeys, there are still well intentioned people, who don’t know we exist.

Let’s never assume that our friends along this journey know their resources for helping their kids. Let’s all commit to being that “friend” who provides the missing piece to adoptive families we know. Let’s act by way of sharing news, lest one more child becomes an adult before being given the opportunity to complete the sentence “I am…”

CCCWA Recognizes China Ties & Awards Families $800

We are delighted to share that China Ties has been recognized by the China Center for Children’s Welfare and Adoption (CCCWA, formerly CCAA) as being a flagship heritage Travel Program.

As a result, each 2012 China Ties family received an $800 grant from CCCWA.

CCCWA believes in the importance of a well organized homeland journey with a sound plan of support for adoptive families.

Support is at the heart of all Ties Programs.

  • We provide an engaging group program and customized individual family province visits. Ties families are supported by a team of passionate, dedicated, adoption-aware people that travel with each group.
  • A “logistical genius” deals with details enabling participants to focus on their family and the profound meaning of the journey.
  • An adoption professional also travels with the group to support families as they discover the messages of the journey, prepare to connect with people and places important in their child’s life, and explore how to help their child weave what they experience into their life story.
  • An in-country English speaking guide travels with the group to share lifestyle, customs, history, humor and warmth.
  • When going to province, each family travels with an individual guide/translator.

Together, our team also provides optional “Connect & Chat” opportunities for the kids and “Talk Time” for the adults, as well as individual or family consultation throughout China. Additionally, the Ties team is available to help beforehand, as families think through issues, as well as post-trip, when the real processing begins, and lasts a lifetime.

The result is an incredibly bonded group, led by professionals who create community and build bridges among the kids and the families.

We are delighted to accept such wonderful CCCWA recognition, and thrilled our families were the financial recipients of this award as the real credit goes to the adoptive families who have prioritized this important journey.

We, along with CCCWA, honor the commitment families have demonstrated to their children.


Adoption Coaching

ADOPTION COACHING: A NEW RESOURCE FOR ADOPTIVE FAMILIES

By Guest Author Sally Ankerfelt

It was two years ago this July that my son and I took the trip-of-a-lifetime to the Philippines, his homeland. For a year prior to our trip, we had talked about going back with our son who was adopted at age 16 months and was now 13 years old.

The decision to make a visit proved to be easy. It was how we were going to travel that was difficult. Would we go alone as a family?

Making a homeland visit has layers of complexity that recreational travel does not. We were not just sight-seers. We were exploring our son’s heritage, digging into his past, and opening ourselves up to experiencing a wide range of feelings that might come with returning “home.”

Because of the delicate nature of this trip, we decided to go with a travel group. We chose The Ties Program because we noticed that they not only would help us with the itinerary and the travel details, but they would assist us with navigating the emotional experiences that could surface.

The Ties Program prepared us for the travel through articles on what to expect, how to prepare our children and ourselves emotionally, and what kinds of foundational work we could do with our children before we stepped onto the soil of their homeland.

While in the Philippines, The Ties Program provided a guide from the United States who not only knew about Filipino culture but also had the skills to touch base with our children about what they were experiencing and to assist us parents with the surprising range of emotions that surfaced throughout the trip.

The concept of coaching is much like the concept of the Ties Program. On the adoption journey, we could go it alone. However, like The Ties Program, coaching recognizes that adoption can be complex, so that a skilled guide- a coach- can be very beneficial.

Like a guide, a coach identifies skills that help address the unique aspects of the adoption journey. The power in coaching is its focus on the strengths of the adoptive family and its belief in a family’s ability to move forward.

In addition to being certified, GIFT Family Services coaches also are adoptive parents. We know the adoption “territory” and have a good sense of the joys and challenges adoptive families face. We are committed to assisting families in moving forward through both joys and difficulties.

In addition, coaching offers flexibility to meet the needs of families. Coaching can meet you on your adoption journey in many ways:

  • It can occur “after hours,” at a time that is mutually agree-upon by the family and coach;
  • It can occur over the telephone. There is no need to come to an office. For those in rural areas, a local adoption-competent professional can be difficult to locate. Driving to an appointment can take more than an hour out of our busy lives.
  • It has the ability to fashion intentional coaching plans around the desired results of the family;
  • It offers the positive encouragement necessary to help families have the strength to get “unstuck.”
  • It offers a non-judgmental approach. (Being adoptive parents ourselves, we’ve most likely “been there!) Being an adoptive parent, I know that our experiences can be difficult and not always understood.

Our children (and our families) face additional layers of identity issues as well as other possible issues such as attachment, loss, and school challenges, to name a few. During the difficulties, it may be helpful to enlist the services of someone who is skilled in navigating the rough waters of adoption and who can guide us to calmer seas.

If you are interested in learning more about coaching or talking to a GIFT Family Services coach, call 1-800-236-7821 or visit our website at www.giftfamilyservices.com.

About the Author:Sally Ankerfelt is an adoptive mom to three children: one adopted

Sally Ankerfelt

internationally at 16 months, one adopted at birth through open adoption, and another adopted at age 12 through foster care. She also is a certified coach, co-founding coach of GIFT (Growing Intentional Families Together) Family Services. She holds a Masters of Divinity from Luther Seminary in St. Paul and recently completed a certification program in Trauma Studies from the University of Minnesota. She enjoys speaking at adoption events and assisting individual families on their adoption journey. In her own family, she has dealt with trauma and attachment along with other behavioral issues, including ADHD. These family experiences continue to teach her that in the midst of loss and struggle, there is great joy and hope to be found along the way.